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Setting Healthy Boundaries
We’re more than a year into the pandemic, and many people are still wondering what the key is to juggling work and family—and finding a healthy balance.
“Not holding yourself to your pre-pandemic standards is really important,” says Girl Scout alum Nedra Tawwab. A licensed therapist who owns a group counseling practice in Charlotte, North Carolina, Nedra authored “Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself” (TarcherPerigee, March 2021).
“We have to adjust our standards to be more in line with what the world is today and not what it was two years ago,” Nedra says. The result of all those currently unachievable standards? Stress.
“A lot of the ways that we handle stress are not healthy—and our stress comes from being burned out and overwhelmed,” Nedra explains.
Here’s some of her best advice on how to manage expectations.
- Maintain regular work hours.
Because it can take longer than you may expect to transition between tasks, Nedra suggests keeping a 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. schedule, if possible, to maintain productivity. She also recommends scheduling doctor appointments for early in the morning so as not to break up the workday.
“Try to stick to working while ‘at work’ and not homing while ‘at work,’ even while you’re working from home,” she says. “This way, work isn’t bleeding over to the personal time when the workday ends.” - Set clear expectations with children.
“When I am working from home, I go into my home office and I shut the door,” she says, adding that everyone who can do that should.
“But first, informing your kids about what is going to happen is helpful—those prep conversations can be effective. If you make sure they’re settled, then they don’t have to ask you questions.” - Make breaks work for you.
“We think of breaks as a huge waste of time in our culture,” Nedra says. “But taking meditation breaks in a preventative way rather than a reactive way can be really helpful.”
Meditation doesn’t have to require formal training, she adds.
“For two minutes, just focus on your breath, breathing in and out.” - Evaluate what works and what doesn’t.
Don’t try to overhaul your whole schedule at once, Nedra says, adding that it is more manageable to change your processes on a one-by-one basis.
“If bedtime isn’t working, then that’s what you need to focus on instead of focusing on everything at one time,” she explains. “Get that in line, and then move on to the next area of your life.” - Avoid the “activities director” trap.
For most kids, having a chore chart means that you won’t have to constantly repeat what your expectations are.
“Systems like this are very helpful,” Nedra explains, adding that giving kids structure means they won’t always have to come to you for directions. - Keep meals simple.
“This may not be the time to make three-course dinners,” Nedra says.
She suggests protein shakes, bone broth, and prebagged salads, which are proven lunchtime time-savers in her own busy life. She adds that most kids don’t need much variety, and it’s parents who push themselves to be creative.
“There are tons of restaurants that deliver, too, and you are supporting the economy,” she says. In most areas, you can find healthy options for takeout or delivery so you don’t have to be the only source of prepared meals for your family. - Look for where you can simplify chores.
Mealtimes aren’t the only place where time can be shaved off, and even little things can make a big difference.
While it’s great if you fold all your laundry each week, Nedra says that it’s also fine to pull clean clothes out of a basket when you need it. - Ask for help when you need it.
Ask your partner, a friend, or a family member to step in and support you during high-stress moments, she says. And asking for help when you need it is as important at work as it is at home.
“Communicate that you’re having an issue with meeting [a work] request and telling [your manager] why,” Nedra says. “There maybe someone else on your team who can manage the tasks. And maybe there can be bartering so that you can manage something else.” - Look online for support and fresh ideas.
Nedra suggests finding places online where people offer tools, not just platforms for complaining.
“Complaining can feel good, but it doesn’t improve our circumstances,” she says.
Whether you’re looking to find new, fast recipes or cleaning shortcuts, Nedra names Google and Pinterest as sources for innovative solutions.
“Someone has created a list somewhere,” she says. “You don’t have to recreate the wheel.”
